I Don’t Hate America!

General Mills announced yesterday it is recalling 5 million frozen pizzas marketed under the brand names “Totino’s” and “Jeno’s.” You know, those “party pizzas” that cost about a dollar each and have flimsy crust and bland toppings, but can be appealing for their price and ease of cooking?

Well, before you fire up your oven in preparation of football watching and pizza eating this Sunday, check this list and make sure the pizza in your freezer isn’t on it. If it is, throw it away, but not before saving the UPC code and mailing it to General Mills.

We find this very convenient that such a potential outbreak leading to a massive recall is right in the middle of the season which they probably sell the most pizza: football season! Also convenient is that the Minority Leader of the Minnesota House, Rep. Marty Seifert, R-Marshall, has the Schwan Food Company within his district!

Why does this matter? Schwan’s produces pizzas under brand names such as “Red Baron,” “Freschetta” and “Tony’s.”

Yes, direct competitors to Totino’s. If true, it would not be the first time Seifert has used his position to help Schwan Foods. In an epic 35-minute oration on the House floor on May 12, 2005 Seifert cited the list of products produced by Schwan’s while speaking against a gas tax increase.

Did Seifert go into the factory and poison the pepperoni himself? Did he have Tom Emmer, Brad Finstad or maybe Lynn Wardlow do it for him? I don’t know the answers to those questions, but after connecting all the dots, it is clear this is nothing but political mischief on behalf of Seifert to sabotage a couple of brands of pizza for the benefit of a competitor in his own district.

Please check back to I Don’t Hate America throughout the day for more information on this developing story.

(Full Disclosure: The author’s frozen pizza preference is Kraft’s “Tombstone” brand for its superior crust and toppings, especially the cheese. Additionally, with the exception of the previous sentence, this is intended to be satire.)

This entry was posted on Friday, November 2nd, 2007 at 4:48 pm and is filed under Transportation, Humor, Marty Seifert, MN House, DJ D.. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.